I hate writing this type of blog, but I need a change of pace. I need to clear away the cobwebs so I can move ahead after a really tough month or so during which I became massively overwhelmed and then seem to lose all ability to communicate coherently. All I could really do was scream Help!, but I had no idea what anyone could do, so I just had to ride through the rough waters and hope I was still upright when I got to the other side. I think I’m there and I’m still upright although drenched to the skin and slightly terrified. I know I have not done all the things I said I would do, and I’m behind on projects.
Either despite of, or because of, this turmoil, I agreed to attend a three-day, in-person workshop that Tara Swiger was doing on CreativeLive here in SF. I don’t really have time to take three days off, especially after having gone to Napa the previous weekend, but I love Tara and she’s been so helpful to me in the past year that I thought an in-person workshop might be just the thing I needed. I panicked a lot, and Wendy kept having computer issues, and has some other exciting things going on in her life, and I kept working and doing all I could, but I knew things were sliding away from me.
This recent “shooting the rapids” has helped me learn a few new things. I am one of those people who has to see everything myself–I rarely just believe it to be true, so learning can be hard. Perhaps the most important lesson has been that it is one thing to acknowledge that something will take you 12 hours to complete, and an entirely different thing to find the 12 hours to do it! Especially if you have no time flexibility in your already jammed schedule and you keep adding things into it. And without the time you simply cannot get it done. Doh! So here I sit. I’ve been unable to talk for nearly a month because I’ve been so overwhelmed and, bottom line, I have no one to blame but myself. I have tried to turn this so many ways, to “reframe the question” as my husband always suggests, but there really isn’t another way to see this: I have too many things to do and not enough time. Although I delegate as much as I can, it is impossible for others to do work that I need to do.
The workshop was really, really good, and I leaned so much that I’m really glad I did it and for the time away from my office. My guiding principle this year is to be sustainable–and I apply it to everything except myself. Instead, I think I can do anything I dream of doing and it turns out that just isn’t so. I know making changes to this is going to take some doing because I am so used to moving forward at a crazy pace, but I think this is a really good time to change my stride and find a new way to reach my goals.
I woke up this morning knowing that this isn’t a sustainable way for me to live or create a successful business. I intend to keep this business moving ahead, but to do that I am going to have to pare back. I’m not entirely certain what that is going to be–and it likely will not be as evident to you as it is to me as it is happening, but I am hereby committing to myself to do it. In awesome good news from the past month:
- I wrote this which I think is really good.
- We published Bonaire which I love as a design. The pattern was originally in Creative Knitting, but my version has my usual written instructions and shaping charts for each size. It is an awesome pattern and the kind of work I am so grateful I get to do.
- In June I watched 59 Product Development students get their diplomas from FIDM and I was proud of the role I had in their development and growth.
- I had three accessories published in Love of Knitting 2014 Accessories: Brixton Cap, Colliers Wood Shawl and Bromley Mitts (the pattern is free!).
- Had a photo shoot with the fabulous Nancy Rothstein and Ayelette Robinson and Sheila Devitt.