I am always thinking about things, and once I gather enough information, actual decisions are a cinch. This week, after a bit of venting with Jamie, and some probing with my therapist, I made a big decision which makes me both happy and sad.
I will be doing things a little differently from here on, but I’m not going to talk about details yet. This has been brewing for years, but it will take me a week or two to sort it out.
I am going to talk about are things I love to do, so they are a little bittersweet. Choosing always is.
Time Changes Things
I have been aware for some time that I am actually getting older and do not have the capacity to make myself do things under pressure that I used to. It is just not worth it to gather the adrenaline that got me through. I no longer cook elaborate meals for my dinner guest, I don’t single-handedly try to execute on complicated plans, or rush things I don’t feel like rushing. I am just too old to care — so shoot me.
Since Mitch is retired, I am constantly trying to balance my personal life and my work life in a way that is fair to both. I have waited all our years together for him to be available to me. I treasure my work and look forward to it every day, so I also need to respect my need to delve into what matters to me at my core. As a Libra, balancing is essential!
It’s Just Math
I had a student who, when asked too account for how they would allocate their time to get their class work done, came to see me after a couple of days.
“I can’t quit thinking that this is just a math problem; there are 168 hours in a week, and you can only use them once. Is that right?”
Of course the answer is yes.
I continually try to make it not so, but it is in fact a math problem! I won’t bore you with my math, but I have a lot of projects still to be tackled, and something has to give.
Working on this project is probably the most important part of my work right now. I am doing juicy and fun stuff with Jamie and I want to get past my technical difficulties and on to working with the world of bodies to make fit understandable, and most importantly, do-able. I have so much passion about this!
Did you know I am passionate about creativity, and specifically how we can lead the creative life we want? Yeah, I don’t have a lot of time to talk about that! Creativity is a component of every class I teach because I have found it incredibly difficult to be a creative soul in a world that values commerce. Helping others find space that fits their creativity gives me great pleasure.
Although am envious of those who successfully do commerce and creativity, but commerce is not something I am passionate about. I am passionate about creativity.
Design is a part of me and I cannot let it go. I love to design, and pursuing a variety of threads as I go through my process. Plenty of passion here.
I’ve separate this out as separate from Design because this is about knitting as a practice. This is where I find peace, solace, excitement, and everything I need to support myself on a daily basis. I am always considering some aspect of knitting and most days I am happy to end on the couch with Mitch and my knitting. It is my reward!
I am able to do everything above because of the incredible support I get from Mitch. He not only holds me up financially, but loves me as I never could have imagined! I want to continue to hold up my end of our partnership.
I also have some friends who deserve more attention than I am able to give them attention because of the constant press of time, and I’d like to do better.
One: At the end of the day on Thursday I withdrew from a design collaboration which I love working on. I have not had time or focus to do what I want to do, and it just shouldn’t be shoved forward because of a deadline. I hope that I will be allowed to participate in the future, but I will understand if it isn’t possible.
Two: I have an unfinished design sample that I have not been jazzed about the requested change. I thought I could do it when I was asked by the yarn company, but it turns out that when I am not interested, I will simply let it languish as there is always something more interesting to me. I’m going to finish it up without the neckline change. Having made that decision, I am jazzed to do the other things I plan with it that do interest me.
2023 in a Word
I love choosing my word for each year. Sometimes it is a guidepost through the year, and other times I forget what it is and it is hard to be guided by it!
So I had lots of ideas for 2023, but ultimately I chose Unbossed, which wasn’t even on my list! I had in mind Shirley Chisholm’s motto /book, Unbought and Unbossed.
By daring to be herself, Shirley Chisholm shows how one person forever changed the status quo.Blurb from Elliott Bay Book Company
And so I will go forward, Unbought and Unbossed!